are things in life supposed to get easier now or

like please why is everything so hard right now i know other people have it a lot worse than me and it makes me feel so selfish that i feel like this right now i know i am strong but i can’t help myself being vulnerable right now why am i cracking i feel like i am literally cracking

will someone please come and make me soup and snuggle please.

So, like, this may be too much information, but like, I don’t care cause I have been really fucking stressed out okay, but I have a vibrator, but it’s nothing fancy and it is quite small but like when I needed it it got the job done. My friend had an extra Rampant Rabbit she never used (she got two identical ones for her birthday) and she gave it to me and holy fuck mother of JESUS MOTHER OF GOD WHERE HAS THIS CREATURE BEEN ALL OF MY GOD DAMN LIFE AM I FUCKING MAD FOR NOT PREvIOUSLY OWNING ONE OF THESE. FOR FUCK’S SAKE. I NEVER THOUGHT SOMETHING COULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL OR SO AMAZING AT THE SAME TIME, well, maybe cheese fries BUT THAT IS DIFFERENT, OKAY.

Changed the batteries in my vibrator, made nachos, and now drinking Four Lokos in my underwear. A nice day indeed.

I got kicked out of a bar this weekend for almost beating the living shit out of a guy and pouring my drink on him because this man thought it was okay to continuously touch me and grab my sides and my booty meat without my permission just because I am a woman. At first I just thought, well he must be really drunk, I will ask him to not do that, maybe he will stop, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t. So I flipped a shit, threw my drink on his chest, called him an asshole, but oh no, just like every time this sort of thing happens to me all of a sudden I go from being somebodies touch toy to being called a fat bitch! I am a bitch just because I rejected your advances and did not want some strange drunk man invading my personal space and inappropriately touching me and making me feel uncomfortable. I am a bitch because you were violating my personal space when I asked you numerous times to stop doing what you were doing. I am a bitch because I stand up for myself time and time again. I am a bitch because I am not afraid to put you in your place because I don’t give a fuck how much of a “man” you are, you do not TOUCH anyone without their consent. I don’t understand what is so hard about that concept. Just because I am young, lovely, have a mixed drink in my hand, and a woman, that doesn’t give anyone the grounds to touch me without me saying it is okay. My BODY, not YOUR body. MINE. MINE.

Also, fuck my male friend who told me I “embarrassed” him by doing that and getting us kicked out, NO. FUCK YOU FOR DOING NOTHING TO POSSIBLY HELP OR THINKING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT WAS FUNNY OR OKAY. I EMBARRASSED YOU? YOU SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED OF YOURSELF FOR THINKING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT WAS APPROPRIATE. 

I am drinking Twisted Tea and eating cupcakes and having a solo dance party in my underwear and popping my booty to Ciara - “Get It Girl”. WATCH OUT FOR MY BODY ROLLS. TYPICAL WEDNESDAY NIGHT FOR YOU. GET IT GET IT GIRL GET IT GET IT GIRL.

I always feel the prettiest when i’m naked and it’s almost 2am and time for bed.

i haven’t had sex in like a yeaR and i feel liKE I HAVEN’T EATEN CHINESE FOOD IN LIKE A YEAR either. MAYBE I CAN LIKE, eat chinese food ANd FIND SOMEONE TO HAVE SEX WITH. or i could just fuck myself with an eggroll, that’s the same thing, RIGHT???

i’m just kidding but seriously sex and chinese food please.

WOWSERS, I can’t catch a break in this dating game thing. Is there something wrong with me, or? Every time I feel like I’m becoming close to a person they either completely stop talking to me or just shut me out, it makes me feel super sad and not so fabulous. I wish I could read minds sometimes, that would make everything SO MUCH EASIER. (It would also make things so much creepier, but how funny would that be!)

I guess I’m just going to continue being the baby cupcakeiest diva that I am and just whip my hair and shake my hips until someone that wants to treat me like a queen comes around, but I don’t really need anyone anyway BECAUSE I AM A STRONG AND INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON’T NEED NOBODY BUT A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A CHEESEBURGER.

I am so drunk, I AM TOO DRUNK FOR THIS. I WANT MOZZARELLA STICKS AND A BACK RUB AND MAYBE SOME CHEESECAKE, BUT MOZZARELLA STICKS AND A BACK RUB FIRST AND FOREMOST.

HOPE YOU GUYS ARE IN FOR SOME BOOTY, because my super kawaii pink skinny jeans from Asos came in today and I refuse to take them off because they are the most comfortable things and they are PINK AND PERFECT AND JUST LOOK AT MY BUTT.

I really wish I did not have strep throat I literally feel horrible and like it hurts to swallow and everything is strained and sore. I woke up yesterday morning so sick out of nowhere and now I have strep, just, oh my goodness, someone come and take care of my bed ridden ass. I love chicken noodle soup and cartoons and stuffed elephants in case you want to take up the offer.

Okay, you know how I was saying I had a dentist appointment and I have never had a cavity in my life? Okay, well, I SAW THE DENTIST ONCE LIKE A YEAR AGO, AND IT WAS JUST A CONSULTATION AND THEN MY FAMILY LOST THEIR INSURANCE AND WE COULDN’T AFFORD IT, so in reality it’s really been 5+ years I’ve gotten a proper inspection of my chompers, so with the help of a teeth cleaning and x-rays I have 13 cavities, need 2 root canals, and need all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. WHOOPS.

This is what happens when you can’t properly afford insurance, people. I will never understand why it is so expensive, like, really, there’s no need for it to be so expensive. 

I HAVE A DENTIST APPOINTMENT TOMORROW AND I HATE THE DENTIST. I have never had a cavity in my entire life but I still hate the dentist because honestly it’s the same thing every time, “OH HEY CHELSEA HOW ARE YOU WOW LOOK AT THESE NICE TEETH GOT A BOYFRIEND YET OH HEY HOW ARE YOUR DOGS HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU BEEN BRUSHING IS WORK GOOD THAT’S A LOVELY TOP MY WIFE SAYS YOUNG GIRLS REALLY LIKE THIS JUSTIN BEAVER FELLOW” And I’m just sitting there like “Grgglrmfflefrugglemuarf” BECAUSE HE HAS THESE PROBES ALL IN MY MOUTH AND THE HE’S ALL LIKE “HAHAHAH YOU’RE RIGHT JUSTIN BEAVER IS PRETTY COOL” and then I just give up and nod but then he’s like “NO DON’T MOVE I COULD POKE YOUR EYE OUT” LIKE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

So, this one time I went on this date with this fella, and we went out to dinner at this really quaint little diner and he said that we should share one of those small little booths like those annoying couples you always see out, so I was like, “YEAH, OKAY, WHATEVER, I’M HUNGRY SO, YES, OKAY” so this was our first date and the entire time he kept trying to put his hand up my dress in the middle of this diner while I was just trying to eat my mother fucking buttery ass blueberry pancakes. I could tell you one thing, I knew those pancakes would be better than anything that man had to offer me sexually. So, like, we ended up going out drinking and he was very sexually forward the whole time and I was like “RUDE, WHO ARE YOU EVEN”, and I just did not LIKE HIM, OKAY, but after a few shots of vodka I was feeling really god damn dandy and he went to kiss up on me and stuff I was like “DUDE, NO” and he got so pissed and all of a sudden he said “WELL YOU’RE UGLY AND FAT ANYWAY, I’M SORRY FOR WASTING MY TIME” and I was like oh, okay, so first you wanted to hit this and now because I won’t give in you try to make me feel insecure, SO ADORABLE, GOSH, THAT MUST BE ONE OF YOUR GOOD QUALITIES, I CAN’T SEE WHY YOU DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, so I said “YOU’RE JUST MAD BECAUSE I LIKE PANCAKES BETTER THAN I WOULD LIKE YOUR DICK” and I flipped my hair and we said more words, but he left me there by myself but I ended up meeting this cutie who bought me a Cosmo and drove me home for free and I totally got her number but I never called her because I was so embarrassed by the situation, BUT ANYWAY, the moral of this story is DON’T DATE GUYS ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE I AM PRETTY SURE PANCAKES ARE BETTER THAN ONLINE DATING.